New Blog, New Stuff? Maybe…?

So I made a new blog…. although it should be more than obvious to those who knew my old one i guess…. But that’s beside the point. Eventually i will populate this with my thoughts and musings until then however watch this spot. Or if you don’t want to watch this spot you can check out the older blog and read my stuff I guess, if you feel compelled to do so that is *COMPELS YOU* you know, no pressure.

https://i1.wp.com/media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lb4bigj6IS1qcdaji.gif

 

Nursery Rhymes: The Truth (Part 1)

     A somewhat deviated line of thought from my normal posts…but then of course do I ever post anything normal??? Anyway this post is basically about nursery rhymes and seeing them from a different perspective. Some of you may have seen them this way before or maybe not but after this maybe you will start to think more openly the you previously thought possible. Lol Look at me trying to make this sound like some major breakthrough in psychological science smh:) Lets get started shall we?

NOTE: This should all be taken in fun. Dont come asking me where I got information and to prove anything true and what not. Just read it, have your laughs enjoy be merry and all that good stuff then share and let someone else have their laughs. As You Were.

Jack and Jill

     To kick things off how about we start with one of the more famous ones? Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after

     Seems innocent enough right???? How about this then…why in the world are they going up a hill to fetch water??? Water runs downhill right???? The way I see it, things would have been much easier for them if they got it from a source lower down. So there is obviously some hidden motive to them going up the hill right???? Right. “Jack fell down and broke his crown”… We KNOW this cant be a literal crown because no prince I have ever heard of ever went to fetch his own water, hence this crown is figurative. The way I see it the crown here could only be talking about his virginity. It is then a given that as someone having sex for the first time gets overly excited and doesnt last very long. “Jack fell down”… he came and was no longer erect basically. Such being the case “Jill came tumbling after” simply means she reached orgasm after him. Thus it is in this regard I prefer this clever more precise version of the rhyme:

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To smoke some marijuana
Jack got high unzipped his fly
And said Jill do you wanna…
Jill said yes took off her dress
And they did the hanky panky
But Jill forgot to pop the pill
And out popped little Franky

Humpty Dumpty

     The next Nursery Rhyme I present to you is the famous Humpty Dumpty:

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the kings horses and all the kings men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again

So after having read that the first question that come to mind is: Why was he up on the wall in the first place???? Well the answer is simple, Humpty Dumpty is a peeping tom. *sips tea* Yes a peeping tom. Can any one hazard a guess as to WHO exactly he was peeping at??? Go ahead… one guess… i’ll wait. No one??? He was checking out the Queen of course. Unbeknownst to him however the king was there that day and happened to spot him. Humpty in his frightened state, trying to escape from the King he fell. The King however thinking he had gotten away sent his soldiers after him. When they arrived on the scene however they found him lying on the ground…dead. THAT is how the story goes, the nursery rhyme was a simple cover up job by the government….

See you when part 2 comes out :p

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Slang Overload

     “SWAG!” the Teenage Latino whispered, as he posted yet another photo of Kicks and a Snapback on Instagram…. Everyone alive today and actively participates in online activities has most likely already heard this terminology being used over and over…..and over again. SWAG! But… What IS Swag??????

Definition of SWAG

Using my trusty dictionary I happened upon a few definitions….
     The way in which you carry yourself. Swag is made up of your overall confidence, style, and demeanor. Swag can also be expanded to be the reputation of your overall swagger. You gain swag, or “Swag up”, by performing swag worthy actions that improve this perception. A person can also “swag down,” by being an overall pussy and garnering negative swag for their actions. Swag is a subtle thing that many strive to gain but few actually attain. It is reserved for the most swagalicious of people. Swag can also be quantified, with point systems existing in some circles of friends.

Pretty basic definition if you ask me but it doesn’t really hit home as it stands right now. So I came upon a different and more relevant definition:

A stupid saying that’s overused. People 90% are dumb teenagers, the other 10% are little ass kids trying to be cool use it for EVERYTHING and also as their facebook name thinking that shit’s cute: ‘I just opened a cabinet, SWAG.’ ‘I just fell down, lol, SWAG.’ ‘SWAGNIFICENT’ ‘(your name) idontgiveafuq gotsswagg’ ‘lives in swagtown’ ‘works at swagville’ ‘That show was so SWAG.’ ‘I just finished brushing my teeth, SWAG.’ ‘Hey guys, just woke up, SWAG.’ ‘Lol, I got kicked out of class, SWAG.’ ‘I cursed the teacher out, SWAG.’ ‘Tumbling on tumblr in class, SWAG.’ ‘(your name) the swag god’ ‘texting in class, SWAG’ … ‘SWAG.’ You don’t have no motherfucking swag.

Gotta Write This Blog Post….. Y.O.L.O.

     The key thing about this definition is the very first sentence albeit the whole paragraph is gold. Like I said however, that first sentence “A STUPID saying that’s overused”. That alone could sum up this whole post as a matter of fact. The thing is, every new saying that comes out is not really bad persay, what’s bad about them is the fact that people all over CONSTANTLY misuse abuse and reuse them. As you can see in the second definition given above.
     Swag however is not the only one, oh no, not by a long shot. We have the all time favourite Y.O.L.O.!!! made popular by some artiste called drake I think… “Now she want a photo you already know though, You Only Live Once that’s the motto nigga Y.O.L.O”

     Somewhere on some distant planet, all life is quickly dying due to the use of the “Motto Nigga”. There is in all actuality nothing WRONG with this You Only Live Once concept however, after you DO only live once. The concept is (in the way I see it) basically saying that since you have only one life to live you should do everything you can to live your life to the maximum so that you have no regrets about the way you did in fact live. This concept however has been tarnished….. *cough* White people *cough*. Actually if you take a look at the second definition of swag up there ^ you can simply replace SWAG with YOLO and get the meaning (as it is portrayed by the ones who use it).
     Kids these days, are like predators when it come to slangs. They are on a constant hunt for random situations in which they can show their new found knowledge and toss these words in to the amazement of the mentally challenged people who put up with their nonsense. Why do they put up with it you ask??? Well thats simple……. Y.O.L.O

Swerve

     Okay, so youre probably saying “Oh its not THAT bad”… it really is. But wait! Theres more!!! This one just recently came on the scene and is slowly growing in its notoriety! and it goes a lil something like this:

     Everybody and their mommas Swerving nowadays, thanks to who???? Well… Kanye, Big Sean, Pusha T and 2 Chainz…… You know what just listen to the damn song:

     If you’re thought pattern is in any way similar to mine then you should be able to equate this brash overuse of these three to my previous blog post about Dick Riding. Yes I do believe you read correctly… Dick Riding. You may be reading this and your reaction may just well be something along these lines…

     If in fact you do actually have this reaction well… I couldn’t care less. Now im not saying you shouldn’t use them.. NO…in fact go ahead and use them all you want, what I’m trying to say is stop using them as if they are the only words contained within your vocabulary. I HOPE they arent the only words in your vocabulary O_O… Anyways SWAG im gonna post this up for you guys to read now cuz you know Y.O.L.O:) If you dont like it or you feel bad bout yourself I dont really care go have a seat over there >>>> SWERVE! (Saw how painful that was to read??? Yeah)

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Celebrity Dick Riders

     Hey guys, its me again…on the agenda today we have “Dick Riders”…. Yeah I Said It!! When I say dick riders however I dont mean it in a sexual manner. No not one bit, but before I actually get into the meat of the matter let me just say, I KNOW some of you who may (or may not) read this will take offence and blah blah blah but in all honesty I really could care less, Corns will be mashed! My blog, my opinion. With that being said… Lets get started shall we?:)

Lets Define Shit First

     To start I believe I should at least give you a definition of the term Dick Rider. Seeing however that I wont really care what you think in this here post I took the definition from a (should be) well known site. Urban Dictionary … and it goes a little something like this:

Definition!

     A dick rider is a person who is usually and overzealous mindless fan of anyone(be it a rapper, singer, athlete, music genre, band, or any given thing). A dick rider see’s no flaw in whatever they are dick riding at the time, and if you happen to offer an opinion or simply not like whatever a dick rider likes, the dick rider will consider your a “hater” for offering your opinion.


     Most of the times dick riders are female fans of a band, rapper, or singer who constantly praises the graces of a music artist they never met, or are going to touch in that star’s fame . Male dick riders are usually men who want to be or picks up the “swag” and attitude of their favorite artist, and they’ll swear that’s how they are (this is usually a phenomenon in the hip-hop culture)

     If you check this definition on the above mentioned site you will see where they say “All these definitions are wrong or half there” I believe however they are right on target. Lets move on…

Let The Rant Ensue

     In this day and age of technology where people are free to do a vast amount of things in the interwebs such as gain knowledge, socialize, watch movies, download music etc etc etc…. You have a select few (or vast majority, depending on how you look at it) people who chose to live their lives through others. These specimens are what I call Dick Riders. Now most of you may believe that I am looking at it the wrong way. “These people are just showing their adoration for the artistes”, “they are just showing support”, “they are just showing how much they love them”… NO! These are pure bred, pedigree Dick Riders.
     Take for example a Nicki Minaj fan (They will kill me if they read this lol). There are millions of fans of Nicki Minaj as we all know probably the same amount of haters but thats the beside the point. Now I will admit that Nicki has a few good songs and that’s being generous. So give yourself a hand Nicki you have some good shit out there. Can you however actually make me believe that Stupid Hoe and Beez in the trap have ANY inkling of sense hidden within the depths of her words???? Now I dare you to say what I just said to any of her hardcore fans and prepare to bombarded with Death Threats, Racial Slurs and a whole spectrum worth of various disses and whatnot. Just go on twitter and Say something harsh with the #TeamBarbie or #PinkFriday or some other Nicki Minaj reference in it. Come on I DARE you. I remember one day Tony Matterhorn had a run in with a rabid group of them, it was entertaining to say the least. Those “barbs” are a feisty bunch and they were arguing over some seriously trivial shit. “Beez in the trap” though… Really people?? Really?

     If thats not bad enough you have people who LIVE on Kanyes dick. You check their timeline what do you see??? Kanye… Check their status update…. Kanye. BBM??? Kanye. Their display pics??? Kanye… Their entire music library??? Kanye. You ask these people any question in the world as long as it has to do with Kanye and they tell you the answer at the snap of a finger, ask them anything else however and its a task and a half. I have quite a few Kanye heads on my timeline and its not a pretty sight. Heck even Kanye rides his own dick.

Yaad

     In accordance with this post and seeing that I am Jamaican I just HAVE to include you “Gaza” fans. Yes im gonna touch your nerves as well because you guys really irk me for some reason. Now we have all heard that Kartel was imprisoned and if you haven’t heard well such is life, but he is in prison right? Okay good. Why is he in prison you ask??? Oh not for much really he just murdered some people.. No big deal. That’s right, its no big deal, or at least that’s how you people make it seem. From the very day he was imprisoned you’ve seen all his “Fans” talking about Free World Boss and all sorts of other little phrases all crying for his freedom. That is just stupid if you ask me. Sure he has a few good songs and again I will admit it I am not afraid to admit that I don’t like all his songs either. My thing is this; Why is it that you KNOWING that this man is guilty of his crimes wanting him to walk free without doing his time???? Just so you can go out and enjoy your parties and such??? No care is given that he murdered someone as long as you get to have your fun??? Heights of stupidity if you ask me. I can almost bet that if it was an artiste who doesnt interest you as much that did said killings he would be in jail with no one screaming for his release. You guys need to set your priorities straight. Not only the fans in this case but also the rest of the jamaican artistes. Its as if they literally cant seem to throw out the usual amount of music they used to until Kartel gets released. It looks to me like he needs to say some controversial shit to get everybody thinking.

General Stuff

     With all that being said and done, you have Dick Riders on a whole, whose lives literally revolve around these celebs. They dress like them walk like them act and even talk like them. They wake up in the morning and the first thing they do is check the latest updates made by them. If a celebrity doesn’t update then they are mostly likely to lose their minds or cant go on with their day. Its as if whatever they do relies solely on what their Celeb crush says and does. Really quite pitiful if you ask me. You people cant think for yourselves you have people who don’t even know you think for you. You really think they care about you??? They only care about their money and fame. These celebs are just normal people, just like you and me. The main difference is just that they have money and that’s all. Take it away and try to find something different and you wont. You guys need to just calm down and lower your sex drives a bit and stop riding their dicks.

Final Words 

     So yeah, that’s my two cents about the whole matter. This post should have been done sometime ago but I just couldn’t think it through properly till now. Even now as I type I wonder if I did this correctly but its whatever. Now you are free to post your hate and disgust for the way I spoke about your beloved artistes but I really could care less. You all know its true. Anyway though I’m gonna go ahead and post this now. Adios Muchachos

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The Secret Art: Foreplay and Sex

     Foreplay….an art-form which is on the brink of extinction. The reason for this lies mainly on the fact that most people are only capable of finding the time to cater to themselves when it comes to sex. Before I get into this however lets go over the definition of what Foreplay is exactly.

What Is Foreplay?

     Foreplay in its most basic sense is a precursor to sex.  It is in essence a series of emotional and physical connections between two (or more) people to boost sexual arousal and initiate the act of sex. These can include (but are not limited to); Kissing, Cuddling, Fondling, Hugging, Undressing and even Oral Sex. Foreplay is also known to lower sexual inhibitions. So to sum it up, Foreplay is the setting of the mood for sex. Clear??? Good, lets move on.

Importance of Foreplay?

     Now it is a well known fact that women tend to more often than not outlast males when it comes to sex. Males however can be ready to have sex in an instant. This is a fair trade off I believe. Women are more like an engine on a very cold day…they need to warm up a bit before they start to run properly. No fault with the males however it is simply due to the ways in which the female body vastly differ from the males. Due to this fact however, women are mostly left unsatisfied when it comes to sex. Note that I said mostly, meaning not all. It is in this case most women will seek to get their “high” from other means. Most time this high is received from other women  So when it comes to foreplay with the woman on the receiving end, what we as males are trying to do is basically kick her sex drive into a higher gear before taking part in the actual act of sex. In so doing, you enable her to achieve the heights of her pleasure before or in sync with yourself. It is generally accepted then, that you never can have too much foreplay in any sexual session, in fact the more foreplay you have the longer you tend to last sexually.

Better Sex…..How?

     Now I am no expert in this field but I am about to lay down a few do’s and dont’s when it comes down to it. Most hot blooded males as soon as they are given the green light by a female when it comes to sex, usually head towards her G-Spots on the first move… That’s a big no-no…unless of course you’re just there for a quickie in which case go for it. If however, you are going to be at it for a while you might want to hold off on that for a bit. What you should do first of all is touch her everywhere EXCEPT for her hot spots, Tease her for a bit. For instance start running your hands lightly over her arms just barely touching the hairs on her skin. While you’re bringing your hands back up gently brush the sides of her breasts and make her quiver. You can also run your hands along her inner thighs just the same as with her hands, this time however, linger in her crotch area for a few minutes, don’t touch it just play around in the general area and then move away once she starts getting hot and bothered. For everyone of her hot spots, there is a way for you to tease her without touching her there. It is a sure fire way to get her completely turned on. 
     
     Anticipation is one of your best friends when it comes to foreplay. If she is wondering every time that your hands wander to the top of her pants or the bottom of her shirt if this will be the time you will start to undress her, then she is sure to be lying on pins and needles, which will heighten her senses, making all subsequent touches that much more sensual. Don’t spend too much time in one spot, keep it moving. If you have found a great spot that the woman enjoys a lot, that is great, just break up the attention you give to that spot by moving back and forth between that spot to others. Spending too much time on one spot on her body may start to make her bored. Another thing you may do good to remember is that most women tend to enjoy when the man Takes Control of the situation. Tell her what you want her to do, what position to go into etc. Don’t be forceful however, just be dominant. Dirty Talk is accepted as well. While undressing her, lean close and whisper into her ears all the things you are going to do to her. This can tie in with anticipation and completely turn her out. Another thing you may want to try is maintaining a Steady Eye Contact. Doing so will bring across the fact that you know what you are doing and you know what you want and you are daring her to stop you. No this is not a rape tactic its general knowledge…or at least it should be.

Final Words

     Don’t be afraid to try something new and different. Trying something new sexually is good for you and good for your relationship. Some desire problems stem from sexual boredom and the prescription is sexual risk. You don’t have to do something that you find distasteful but when was the last time you tried initiating, experimenting with a new position, different lighting such as candlelight or using a sexual aid (toy) or lubricant.Come out of the comfort zone. Even trying to bring each other to orgasm during foreplay instead of during intercourse could be a nice change. You could send each other sexual pictures while at work. Just knowing that they are looking at your naked body and have to wait to touch you is a thrilling feeling. Also if you don’t even try new things don’t have sex the same way all the time. Try you’re regular techniques but remember to mix it up once in a while. Don’t follow the same pattern over and over again. Be brave today, tonight or whenever you are reading this and try something new, it just might stimulate your minds as well as your bodies. I promise you wont regret it. Enjoy!

Sources

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We are, I am, you are…..

Just found this and thought it was an interesting read. Here’s the page I got it from (source) although it looks like the site has been moved to a new location. Enjoy:)

The Egg

By: Andy Weir

You were on your way home when you died.
It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.
And that’s when you met me.
“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”
“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.
“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”
“Yup,” I said.
“I… I died?”

“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.
You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”
“More or less,” I said.
“Are you god?” You asked.
“Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”
“My kids… my wife,” you said.
“What about them?”
“Will they be all right?”
“That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”
You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.”
“Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”
“Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”
“Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,”
“All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”
You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?”
“Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”
“So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.”
“Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.”
I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.
“You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.”
“How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”
“Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.”
“Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”
“Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.”
“Where you come from?” You said.
“Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.”
“Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.”
“Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.”
“So what’s the point of it all?”
“Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”
“Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.
I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”
“You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”
“No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.”
“Just me? What about everyone else?”
“There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”
You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”
“All you. Different incarnations of you.”
“Wait. I’m everyone!?”
“Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.
“I’m every human being who ever lived?”
“Or who will ever live, yes.”
“I’m Abraham Lincoln?”
“And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added.
“I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled.
“And you’re the millions he killed.”
“I’m Jesus?”
“And you’re everyone who followed him.”
You fell silent.
“Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”
You thought for a long time.
“Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”
“Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.”
“Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”
“No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.”
“So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…”
“An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”
And I sent you on your way.

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The Me I Used To Be

I look into the mirror I know what I see is me
But is it the me of now? Or the me I used to be
I see myself alone and yet I’m with my friends
My heart begins to groan for I foresee the end
Death is guaranteed life I know is not
So in the past I tried to be what the world required
And that’s just what they got I saw myself a loser a boy without a future
I never thought I’d be anything more than a murderer
But as I look deeper within that life telling mirror
I see myself at home laying on my bed
My wife is right beside me on my chest she lays her head
I begin to wonder if this life is meant for me
But as I think further I’m brought back to reality
The visions I’ve just seen make me begin to ponder
How to achieve such bliss and cast my evil ways asunder
I cast away that burden as my mind begins to plea
I now know I’ll never be the same but I can be whoever i want to be
So ill never again be the me I was but will become the me I’m destined to be

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